Life at sea, for those who do not know, keeps majority of the emotions at bay. However, even at sea brings a heavy heart realizing near April, homecoming will be very different without Devin and his spirits. My folks will be packing and storing majority of Devin's belongings until my homecoming. I will then personally go through and keep a few items for memory while the rest (i.e. clothes and toys) will go towards donations to St. Jude's and other organizations to help other children in their time of need. I am sure Devin would be proud to share his toys and wheelchairs with others and help brighten up their day.

Even after two weeks, I still feel as if I am moving in slow motion, sorting through a variety of reflections and emotions throughout the day. Talking with sailors and sharing both pictures and stories of our children made me miss Devin more and yet, at the same time, prouder than ever. Though at times it is extremely difficult to fight back the tears, everyone still share laughs of Devin's goofiness when he was a child. (And even recently!) Looking at his baby picture in my locker every morning, I must remind you all to please, tell your children how much you love them, everyday.

Few have been wondering how I am doing and even what I miss most about my son. My response was everything:

I miss:
-the first time I held him in my arms and his little hand wrapping around my pinky
-the sight of his smiles and grins
-the sound of his voice and the look on his face as he says, "Don't worry old man."
-the sound of his laugh, especially when it is at his old man
-his voice as a child when he called my wife "Mama"
-the smell of his skin when I got to hug him
-his daily presence with Dash, whether is sitting in the living room or out playing fetch
-his daily visit while I am at work and making friends with many of the MAs at the gate
-his hearty distance wave at me when I was unable to get off the ship, with him standing just off the distance and myself topside
-his confidence when aboard the ship, often times he knows the ship better than the sailors!
-watching him do schoolwork, the concentration on his face is beyond belief
(list is endless)

It is still a roller coaster ride and juggling between work, home, and Devin's death. Thank you all for understanding that I do need my space and time to recover. Please continue to pray for the families continually fighting this disease and ones that are trying to heal from the aftermath. Again, I am extremely grateful for your support and pray that you continue to embrace everyday with your loved ones.

Wishing everyone a safe and happy holiday
Buzz