30 Oct 2008
What does I don't know mean...Dad used to tell me that if I don't know just say it because it's ok to ask any questions and it's ok to say you don't know either...
But why when other people say it, you feel like you've lost everything and everything isn't supposed to happen. Doctors told me they don't know and if Uncle John wasn't here...I would probably jump on them and start hitting them. They're supposed to be smart. They went to school for so many years and they supposed to know what is going on and they're the ones that supposed to fix me. They told me they don't know what else they can do and they emailed Dad to make up the final decision.
Mom told me not to give up. Mom told me to keep on fighting and there is nothing anyone can do to stop me. I've fought and fought but now I don't even know what's going to happen. I bet it's going to be like before, I go to another hospital and get even sicker and they'll just tell me the same thing. That or I get to go home, go back to school and just let things go. Even better I'd love to go and live with Grandpa and Grandma out in Alaska. They told me the snow is really nice there and we can go out and ice fish and everything if I'd like to. I don't know anymore because the doctors don't know. So I guess I'll just wait for Dad and see what Dad says.
Something happier, I take baby steps now. My PT and I are working really hard together to get these legs going again. I got a cane as a gift from Uncle John and we'd take walks around the room and if the nurse said ok, around the floor. It's kind of fun, I guess, with a cane, kind of like House. Just hope soon I can run and jump and do crazy stuff. My eyes are getting better slowly too. Now if I get really really close to the screen I can see what it says and I can read books but Uncle John said it's not good to be so close to everything so he said not to do it for too long. I get these drops and the doctors sad it's going to make me feel better. I hope so soon so then I don't have to worry about not able to join the Army later. Uncle John said it's ok if I get glasses later, it's better than lights out all the time.
I'm trying to do a lot of the homework that I missed. Just feeling really lazy or I'd feel so sick I almost threw up on my paper. And I can't wait till Dad answers their email or call them. I'd like to know what to do next. Go home, go stay with Gramps, or keep staying in the hospital. Maybe I'll get to go home and still try to get better...
I really don't know this time...
and it feels like no one knows.
Where are the reinforcements? How about air support like Uncle John said? Where are they?
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