16 Jan 2009 - 09:20:20 pm
Devin: Divine, perfect, servantAt times, life seems so surreal. These days, apart from the deployment itself, I am just doing my best even though I still miss Devin to a certain extreme at every waking moment. I am doing better than I was days after Devin's passing. Back then, I wondered if I would ever find my way out of that place of overwhelming heartache and sadness...
Life is viewed so profoundly different when you lose a very loved one. And in some ways, I was hoping my faith would make it hurt less. But it doesn't. My faith gave me an incredible amount of strength and encouragement during some tough times in Devin's journey. It kept the family from being swallowed up in despair. If I am comforted knowing that he is soaring freely and gloriously in Heaven, as he deserves (after all the suffering he endured). But it doesn't make this incredible loss hurt any less.
Some feel like they want to help me by rushing me through the sadness, and suggest ways to 'fix' it. Well, I just lost someone that I love so immeasurably, so I will be in a state of sadness and depression for a long while, and I need to go through this at my pace. Some people don't want to bring up my loss to avoid upsetting me. And honestly, tears are the only way to release the intense sorrow I am feeling. (Especially during the dark nights onboard) Some feel that because Devin is now in Heaven, that I shouldn't be sad. My response to that, from my viewpoint, is unless you've experienced a loss like this, you can't understand how far Heaven seems and how far the future feels with the years I have spend on this earth until I can see him again. That realization is hard.
Since Devin has passed, I've discovered that I just have to go through the pain that work and this deployment can't take away but to just experience the sorrow and trudge through it head-on. Since the passing of my wife and now Devin's, I have been forever changed. Devin permanently took a part of each one of our hearts with him to Heaven, and I am sure everyone are just learning to live with the permanent wound. I believe that we just have to trust in God and lean on each other to get through this new chapter in life.
And in the mist of this deployment, I realized my wife and I thoughtfully chose the name Devin because it means perfect. To me, he was the perfect son. And upon looking up more meanings, I came across a Gaelic meaning of Devin: servant. As it is to my belief now he is the servant of God, which in ways brought peace to my heart. From here, I hope to move on from feelings of profound pain to profound blessing. Though I have found some shocking verses from the bible story of Job, I will refrain from my temptation of quoting them and leave you with this inspiration (that I hope to be a verse we will faithfully abide by):
"That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever."
2 Corinthiams 4:16-18
Buzz
2010-03-10 @ 03:28:33 am
by WootenGay28
You will become more and more ...
2010-03-09 @ 10:18:16 am
by hg
Its very arresting topic to produce ...
2010-03-05 @ 12:20:26 pm
by Foley23Dianna
The essay buy papers accomplished ...
2010-03-04 @ 05:09:41 am
by Potts32Alyson
replica watches or replica ...
2010-02-26 @ 01:01:28 am
by rolex